…the most powerful lessons come from our own triumphs and errors.
Being wrong can be deadly as in the case of a sky-diver not knowing how to fold a parachute. It’s important to understand the risks of what you are doing and whether they could be serious. The mistakes I’m referring to here aren’t the serious type. They are the choices we make everyday. Accumulated over years these seemingly trivial choices become significant in their impact on your life.
Being wrong is not inherently bad. What matters is what you think about it. If you think badly of being wrong or worry that others will think badly of you for having failed, you make it bad. The power comes from you not the error. It’s not about being wrong, it’s about your self-image. Take the content of this blog for instance. I will undoubtedly be wrong many times. When I am, I will either choose to beat myself up about it, dismiss it, try to pass it off as another’s mistake, or discover and learn the associated lesson. Only in the last case is positive energy created; it’s energy for change instead of destructive energy. It’s all a matter of how you approach being wrong.
Being wrong is good if you learn from it. People can learn from the accomplishments and mistakes others make, but the most powerful lessons come from your own triumphs and errors. The results of being wrong are the prices you pay for the lesson. Not learning from an error is an even bigger mistake because you are more likely to repeat the mistake, paying multiple times for the same lesson. Even this is okay if you eventually learn the lesson—it’s just more costly than learning the first time.
Being wrong is an indicator of how much or little you are learning. If you find you are seldom wrong it’s because you aren’t pushing your capabilities. When you find yourself in that situation, look for good risks to take in the work you’re already doing or choose something new to pursue.
Things to teach:
- Be willing to be wrong if the risk is not serious
- If the risk is serious take appropriate care
- Being wrong is not inherently good or bad—you make it that way
- Examine mistakes to uncover the lessons hidden within
- Notice an error vacuum and if encountered, look for new challenges
How to teach:
- Talk with your child about your mistakes and what you’ve learned
- When embarking on something new, talk about the risks with your child
- Celebrate mistakes as the opportunities they are
- Guide your child in identifying and weighing risks when they make decisions
- Help your child examine their mistakes to find the lessons
- Challenge your child when they master subjects
2 comments ↓
Through the years, I have come to know, as you have written here, that making a mistake can be a powerful learning experience. I really like that you have termed this an “opportunity” for so often we don’t think of it that way. So many of us beat ourselves up over making a mistake, giving the mistake much more power than it should have. But, if we look at our mistakes as opportunities—and teach this to our children and grandchildren—we, all of us, give ourselves permission to grow in wisdom. Thanks for giving us a positive lesson in self-love today! The more we love ourselves, the better we can share that love and caring with others.
We Brantons have been evaluating lately. We have paused from our usual semi-frenzied pace to look about us. It seems, almost without exception, our dear friends and family also run at a break neck pace. Likely, I notice only because I grew up in rural Ohio and remember summers on my back gazing at cloud shapes and afternoons spent exploring our pasture. I often wonder if I negotiate the plethora of opportunities that urban life presents as well as I could. As a family, we pause because it is part of our educational process. We want to evaluate and re-evaluate where we are going and how we are getting there. We want to invite our children to do the same.
This brings me to your thoughts on mistakes. I appreciated them. Tom, the kids and I discuss often how difficult it is to see– much less process well– our mistakes when our pace is too quick. Most of us have a moment (or more) or wincing when we realize we’ve made a mistake. It’s at this moment, if we catch it, that a path is traveled. We either stop and embrace the lesson, like you describe so well, or we get busy and miss a potentially life-changing opportunity.
No matter how we slice it, over-scheduling always has the effect of nudging out meaningful time for reflection and discussion. I often watch our oldest gazing out a window. I process that picture and wonder if I should remind him to get back to his school or should I let him think. When I let him think, he so often turns to me and says, “Mom, the other day… or I noticed …. ” Where this goes is always precious and profound. He can’t go there without unhurried, unstructured time. I have to remember to preserve (and battle for) time for reflection for my children. It seems I have to do so with purposeful intention or we get busy and become unaware.
Yet, we are committed to fighting this balancing battle. It helps when I realize that it does feel like a battle. We are so blessed with invitations for relationship and with vigorous appetites to live life. It can be so tough to say “no”. Afterall, aren’t we depriving our children of opportunities that will prepare them for life? Then I realize, maybe one of the best opportunities we can give them is the one found at the window, gazing, processing and preparing.
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